Always Ask The Host Before Bringing These Items To A Party

Holiday party season is upon us and soon we’ll be donning our finest festive attire and mingling with friends and family as we toast the season. 

Throwing a holiday party is a lot of work, and the best guests, even if they rarely take on entertaining duties of their own, realize this. Often this translates to elaborate gifts in an expression of appreciation and recognition of the effort involved in hosting a holiday gathering. Even if the host has done away with all the old-school entertaining tips (like being so busy they can’t enjoy their own party), there’s no doubt effort was put forth, and time and money went into preparing for the party.

Author and enteraining expert Mandy Naglich includes an entire chapter in her book How to Taste dedicated to setting up the ideal setting for tasting food and drink. She has some thoughts on the things you should never bring to a holiday party before checking in with the host.

Strong-Scented Goodies

Naglich’s approach to gift-giving takes into account “the science behind the things that interfere with the best dining experiences.” For this reason, the author and hospitality pro, doesn’t recommend bringing strong-smelling flowers to a holiday party where eating will be one of the main activities (and, really, what is a holiday party without food at the forefront?). 

“One thing many people don’t consider when selecting a host gift is scent,” she says. “Strong smelling flowers like lilies will totally interfere with the flavor of food and drinks, especially if you expect the host to put them on display,” Naglich adds. 

Another reason to think twice before selecting flowers (even the mild-smelling variety) as a gift? By presenting your host with a bouquet of flowers upon arrival, you are essentially tasking them with flower arranging. Becky Ellis, a food and wine writer in Roanoke, Virginia, loves to entertain and says she never brings fresh cut flowers as a host gift—not after one memorable party at her place where everyone brought flowers, to the point that Ellis ran out of vases and had to run around “stuffing them into pitchers and mason jars.” 

Oh, and it’s not just potent flowers that can cause an unwanted aroma. Naglich says the same rule applies when it comes to pungent cheese.

Highly Acidic Drinks

Another thing Naglich advises against bringing to a holiday fete is sour beverages, especially if you’re expecting your “gift” to be served at the party. “If you’re into the ‘natural wine’ trend where many of the wines are tart or even sour, all the extra acid will throw off your taste buds for a couple of hours,” explains Naglich. 

What this means for your host is that the special dinner or array of appetizers will be essentially overshadowed by that trendy bottle of wine. 

“If you want to bring that tangy wine or sour beer, at least respect the menu and open it up after dinner is served,” says Naglich.

This could also be applied to any wine you bring to a party, and it’s important to know your audience. For example, if you happen to know your hosts are big wine connoisseurs (ask yourselves, are they guiding the wine decisions when you dine out and share a bottle for the table), you might think twice about interfering with whatever beverage plan they had set out for the holiday dinner. You don’t want them to feel obligated to serve the wine that you’ve brought when they had planned to open a couple of bottles of Chardonnay to pair with the poachedlobster.

Items Needing Special Service

My husband and I entertain at our home a few times a year, and we also enjoy going to holiday parties when our friends throw them. Many years ago, before I was an experienced host, we were invited to our friends’ house and along with the wine and beer we were told we could bring when we inquired, “how can we help?” I decided, as a surprise, I’d bring dessert too. 

“A guest shouldn’t expect their gift to be served,” Naglich said, but of course I expected my chocolate silk pie to be served. I was proud of what I had created and excited to share it with the rest of the party. But it turned out the hosts had planned finger foods for dessert—trays of homemade brownies, chocolate chip cookies, and chocolate-covered strawberries—lined the table after dinner had been served and the leftovers put away, so my “gift” wasn’t as well received as I’d hoped.

Eileen Hornor, chef and owner of OneSixtyFive, a restaurant in Maine, agrees. You should never bring “a dish that needs to be cooked. Warmed? Yes. Assembled or (God forbid) prepped, no.” Hornor also cautions against arriving with a last-minute allergy announcement. She advises, “If you haven't already informed your host, don't announce upon arrival at her Italian smorgasbord that you’re deathly allergic to tomatoes and gluten.”

Communication is key across the board. It’s understandable that you don’t want to show up empty-handed (Hornor also says arriving with nothing is a big no-no) but a simple, “What can I bring?” or “Let me know if there’s anything in particular you need—bread, cheese, chips, soda,” and let your host take it from there. And, regardless of what you bring to the holiday party, remember not to take it personally if it doesn’t get table time that day.