7 Clear Signs You've Overstayed Your Welcome

My grandmother had a pillow on her sofa that read “Do not mistake endurance for hospitality.” Given the frequency with which she hosted our large family—10 adults and 11 children—it’s clear to me now that she was something of an iron woman. But like my grandmother, who never showed us any sign of frayed nerves or dwindling patience, a good host won’t just toss your bags on the porch and tell you to hit the dusty trails. Here’s how to know you’ve overstayed your welcome, even when—and especially when—a gracious host has made you feel right at home.

For Parties and Gatherings

You’re the Last One There

If you look around and realize that all the other guests are gone, it’s likely past time for you to leave too. Offer your assistance to help clean up, and if your host declines, say thank you and make your exit. (And don’t assume they’re just being polite and insist on staying to help; they may be looking forward to having their house back to themselves, even if they’re left with a mess.)

All Signs of the Festivities Have Begun to Disappear

The music is off. The lights have been turned off in a number of rooms. Melted drinks are being poured down the drain, leftovers are being stored in the fridge, and your host is no longer offering to fix you a drink. There’s an occasional yawn or a mention of “work tomorrow.” These are all signals that you should say your goodbyes—and quickly.

Your Host (Subtly) Invites You to Leave

If there’s one thing we know about a Southern host, it’s that they tend not to be direct out of a commitment to politeness. The closest thing you’ll get to a “Please leave” is a “You’re welcome to stay, but…” They may say something like, “You’re welcome to stay, but I’m going to toss this in the laundry real quick,” or “You’re welcome to stay, but I’m going to have to put on my pajamas. These pants are killing me!” This is a great opportunity to read between the lines. What your long-suffering host really means is, “You’re welcome to stay, but please don’t.”

For Overnight Visits

It’s Past Your Pre-Determined Departure Time

While unforeseen circumstances, such as bad weather or travel troubles, may extend your stay, it’s best to end your visit at the originally agreed-upon date and time whenever possible—no matter how passionately your host insists that they’d be delighted for you to stay for one more night. As my mom often reminded me as a child, “You want to leave the party while everyone’s still having fun.” 

Your Host Has Inquired More Than Once About When You’ll Leave

While your departure date is something to be discussed before you arrive, if that time is drawing near, consider multiple questions about when you’re leaving to be your host’s gentlest attempt to ask you to get a move on. Their inquiries may include things like, “Remind me when you have to leave us, again?” or “What time do you need to get on the road to avoid traffic?” or “When do we have to say goodbye?” For the love of all that’s holy, take the hint. 

Your Host Is Offering to Help You Prepare for Your Trip Home

If you’re camped out on the sofa chatting away and your host offers to help you get luggage to the car or pack you some road-trip snacks, consider that your sign to head out. These kinds of offers are the in-person equivalent of the “I’m going to let you go now” that we’ve been known to use to politely end a phone call. 

You’re Out of Clean Clothes

Just because your host has a washer and dryer that you’ve been told you’re free to use doesn’t mean you should actually use it. It’s one thing to make yourself at home in the guest room and another thing entirely to set up shop in their laundry room—a place that nobody cleans or preps for visitors. If you don’t have another clean thing to wear, it’s probably time to go home and put your own washing machine to use. 

How To Avoid Overstaying Your Welcome In the First Place 

There’s a quote (often attributed to Benjamin Franklin) that declares, “Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.” While every relationship is different and this may not apply to your specific scenario, it’s generally a good rule of thumb: A weekend stay in someone else’s home is plenty. Anything more may be too much of a good thing.